I just read my last post..twice. I can't sleep right now because my mind is running like crazy. The fake and crazy girl that "wasn't his girlfriend," is gone. I missed my husband and I told him so. I know he misses my friendship. I don't know really how he feels and I wish he would tell me. We have hung out a couple times..and the oddest thing has happened. We laugh and have a good time like we used to. I don't know if there is any love left in his heart for me. I guess the most I can let myself hope for is that this means we will be able to get along.
Obviously I hope for much more. What women wouldn't. I still love him and I don't give a half a shit what anyone else thinks about our situation. If you haven't lived it from inside one of the two of us then you don't know anything. I know that most people these days don't take the "for better or for worse," seriously when they say it. I meant it with all my heart. I know how much has been lost, but I can't keep thinking....what is six months.. to take the hardest, longest look at your relationship and really decide what will make you happy. If you have the rest of your life six months is worth it. If I can have my family and my love back..even if I die 6 months from now. Going through this last hardest six months of my life will have been worth it.
It takes strength beyond measure in todays world to say, "I don't quit, ..I don't give up on us." Especially when the other person does. I hope he realizes that. I have been here, and I will still be here.
If this all ends in January...then I will let go.
You may call me weak. Would you fight with everything you have to save your family?...To kiss someone you love again. Would you stand by someone through the hardest time of their life, even if it absorbed them and they pushed you away? I am...I will...I want my husband back. I want him to push the hair out of my face and kiss me. I am doing the unthinkable...I am from Generation Divorce...we quit 50% of the time. I am taking myself out of the we and I am going to do everything I can to rebuild my relationship. The foundation will always be strong...we'll see if I can make my best friend love me again.
