Grapplehook

Sometimes I wish I could reach through the infomindpuke of the internet and actually connect with someone intellectually for once. I mean don't we all spill our useless to anyone else mind funk out there hoping to have someone nodding or laughing or crying on the other end. Or maybe we like leaving it to the safety of the abyss. I'm not quite sure where I stand just yet. I'm on the precipice of the abyss flinging my grapple hook and hoping someone will catch it and set it neatly on the other side so maybe I can fumble my way across to meet them. Or pull them in with me, ...who knows?

Torrential Outpour

I feel misunderstood, or uncommunicative or, unheard. I'm not sure exactly which it is but I know I feel like crap. I talk, nobody listens, sometimes I feel like I would just prefer not speaking for days. Nobody can ignore you if your not speaking in the first place. Mostly I'm just run down because I keep trying to eek out precious minutes of time with my husband and I know he loves me but he just doesn't seem to want to make time for me. We work conflicting shifts, I work a ten and he works eight. We wake each other up half way through our nights any way we try to make things work. I feel like he thinks I have it easy because he's home already when I get home but its actually harder for me I think. I'm a lighter sleeper and I work more hrs, I get home and usually have to do something (cook,clean,run errands) He plays madden and throws some laundry in and falls asleep. It's making me slightly resent him that I don't seem him for days, he doesn't do as much as he used too and he's home longer than I am. All I ask is to maybe see him every third day for like and hour. Maybe some booty once in awhile, I mean how else are we ever going to have a baby. Grrrr. When I do see him he's grouchy. Then I'm grouchier the next time I see him. It's a descending spiral. He likes his new job, I'm not mad he took it. I just think we could figure out a better system, or he maybe could get on an actual schedule instead of doing whatever it is he does. I'm sick of him saying I'm always yelling at him. I wouldn't be so upset if he didn't act like he was the only one missing sleep and affected by this schedule issue. I just wait for the weekends and hope they come soon enough. Or I escape to the coffee shop because I can't stand to be mad at home while hes sleeping. Then I go home and sleep on the couch. I am bitter as cheap coffee.