Irresponisble bastards

I want to bitch about irresponsible pet owners today. I'm on a soapbox bear with me. I own two dogs;a beagle mix that was adopted from one shelter deemed unhoustrainable and abused and returned to another shelter all before he was 4 months old, and a pit bull mix that is the sweetest and most well trained/do anything to please you dog I've ever met. Pretty much I want to talk about him today.

I own a pit. So what. Some people think that owning a pit bull is like keeping a loaded gun around. Not the truth. I would worry more about my beagle biting someone than I would about my pit, and not because Pudge is mean. He is wary of strangers because of the people who used to beat him every time he peed. It's hard to learn to trust and to recover when you were beaten for a bodily function as a baby. So my sad, loving, slow to trust little beagle isn't mean. I just have to watch him around complete strangers because if they don't give him time to adjust and to trust, he would prefer to hide from them. Part of the reason we adopted Pudge is because he was so cute despite the hurt behind his eyes and the fact that he had a note on his kennel card about being returned as unhousetrainable. I knew no one else would be willing to tackle that issue. So my hubby and I took him in and he was housetrained in mere weeks.

Okay back on topic now. I've had Parker since he was 9 weeks old. I had him for all of the prime socialization periods in his puppyhood and you better be damn sure that I took him to animal friendly stores, flyball competitions, and many family get togethers with many other dogs and little kids to get used to being around. I taught him to sit at 9 weeks old and since he has learned every command you learn at basic obediance and a few cute tricks to boot. He loves fetch and he has an intense focus and willingness to please. He loves to lay upside down and give me kisses while I coo at him in nonsensical murmers that my hubby calls our retards in love talk. I literally love this dog like a son and a brother. I trust him with anyone. He is so well trained that having never met a cat before he accepted not only one but two to be adopted into our home in a six month period with no fuss, no aggression and no sweat. Not to mention that the 15 pound tom cat is his best friend and cuddle buddy.

I can't believe all the complete idiots that I see week after week on Animal Planet that have to give their dogs up because they're to aggressive or they attacked a person or a dog. I am so sad and hurt when I see pitbulls seized from fighting rings only to be put to sleep for having been taught to kill or because they are a banned breed in the city. I think that banning a particular breed is ridiculous. I think that there shuld be a pure and simple no aggressive dogs law and thats it. You should have to be responsible for your pet. Wether it's a golden retriever or a doberman. Not only are pitbulls banned in many major cities but they are also becoming one of the most prominent in shelters and irresponsible breeders kennels. People need to get a friggin clue. Just like pulling the trigger on a loaded gun is a choice, it is every dog owners choice to either train and socialize their animal or not. Do the right thing becuase they depend on us and they are our responsibility. If I see you with an overly muscular, spke collared, ears cropped, untrained dog straining to get at someoneor someone's pet from the end of dragging you on a leash you better bet I'm going to call you out.

before i go

I just want to say something to no one really about what it's like to be me. Mostly because I've been feeling stretched out and snappy about defending myself so often lately. Get over it. I can't help who I am. Stop making gay jokes at my expense.

I'm married, monogamous and happy with that. Very happy actually. I've also been bisexual since oh as long as I can remember, probably since I was born. I didn't really recognize that I was different for liking girls until early high school. Before that I almost didn't realize it and definitely didn't talk about it because it was way too weird for me. Other girls never thought about girls. I stayed quiet and closed up mostly because of my family. They're all pretty open minded, but also pretty damn old fashioned and really traditional. So until I really got immersed in an environment were people could have cared less I didn't talk to anyone about it. I've heard from many people that they don't believe me or that they never knew or that I'm not gay anymore because I married a man. ughhg. I'm bisexual, I always will be. Duh.

I was never really that girly, I had no sisters and was raised by a lineage of strong unwavering, hardworking women. We all like to do for ourselves rather than to have others do for us. I truly believe, like most lgbt that you are born and not made how you are. I rode quads and dirtbikes and ran through the woods barefoot as a kid. I loved getting dirty and being outside. I can only remember being girly I guess when it was appropriate. I never played with dolls unless someone else wanted me to. I played horses or crawled around like a dog. I never really had a boyfriend. One in middle school and none in high school. In high school I had just as many girl crushes as I did guy crushes. Didn't act on either. My one year at college I had a 3 week long flingy thing with one guy and went on one date with another guy, I was scared of lesbians because they were all out to there families and proud of just being themselves. Not my story. I was almost ashamed to be myself. How horribly sad that sounds.

There are these guys at work who know I dated a girl before I met my husband and they constantly make jokes and little jabs at me and tell me I'm being too sensitive when I get mad about it. They have no idea what it's like being me. When you live an alternative lifestyle your essentially on the radar all the time. When I dated a girl I couldn't go to dinner, go to the store, hold her hand in public without someone doing a double take or making a lewd ass comment. Guys are pigs. It's definitely gotten a lot easier to be out in todays world, but it still isn't easy.

So I really get pissed when people make me feel like less of a person or try to talk to me like I'm just confused.

I'm not confused. I love my husband. Period. I also can't help that I still find women attractive. Just like straight married people who's eyes wander. I'm monogamous and I would never want to be one of those people who was like, "I need both in my life to be fulfilled," because I don't. I can't however stop being gay. I relate to that lifestyle and lesbian and gay people too. Sometimes I miss being around people who are free with who they are and who don't give a fu&$ who I am. That's all. 

I'm done ranting,...It's just gotten me way more worked up about the situation. I hate that.

School and such

So yesterday I got my, "hey your accepted like almost everyone is into our community college" letter. I was excited,....and scared shitless all at the same time.

We have our furnace situation taken care of. We had to take out a loan but at least we have one and now we wont die from carbon monoxide poisoning. Yeah. We're going to refinance our house too so that will save us money as well as saving a lot of money on propane. So I think all that stuff will all balance out. Kellen's making a little bit more at work for as long as this new position lasts too. I'm just worried about our vehicle situation staying stable and also about getting a job that will last and be flexible enough for me to go to school and pay my bills. I'm signed up for the spring so I have to sign up in Nov and go in Jan. this runs me into the seasonal hiring so I'm starting to look right now because all the kids are going back to school from the part time jobs. wish me luck. 

I am super glad that I got off my ass and finally got the ball rolling. If I don't go back now then I know I probably never will. I don't want to work where I am anymore. A factory is definitely not my calling. 

I'm kind of freaking out though because I'm so filled with anxiety about trying to go back and how long it will take me and what if I can't make enough money and I have to drop out again. It would really suck to fail twice. So many responsibilities but I also have a responsibility to myself to have a happy fulfilling life and I have been getting soul sucked by my job a lot lately.

Oh, shit I just feel a lot of things. Like...I'm willing to work every hour that I'm not at school and to live on hot dogs and mac n cheese for a chance to do something worthwhile with myself. I just need to give myself some credit for once.