life sucks

Schools out for summer
looking for a job
begging fin.aid for help
emailing profs desperately
lacking in 5,000 worth of funds that my parents can't afford to borrow
being forced to change my major by my parents so I can go to school...

seriously ...seriously considering joining the navy or airforce for 4yrs of my life so that I can go to school. I don't want to give it up.

I don't want to change my major but I do realize now that my hobby won't give me the job security I need to payback my loans and my parents loans when I graduate. They don't want to sacrifice to support an education that they don't think will get me anywhere. They also don't think I'll be able to pay them back. Forget the fact that I'm a good actress with a lot fo potential, just getting started and forget that I belonged to the best T.P. freshman class in years. Forget that we wowed the faculty. Forget that my gpa is 3.59...It's very possible that I might not be going back to school.

I hate money and bastards that own necklaces and watches that would pay for my education. I hate that I can complain about how unfair it was for society to build me up by saying anyone who want to go to college can over and over and over. They can't. It's not true. My parents refuse to take out loans that will put them 19,000 in dept and me 17,000 in debt of which I have to pay 100% of both.

I went to try and get another private lender student loan today. Ha. My school won't accept a private student loan from Sallie Mae (the kind offered by the banks around here) because they offer me Direct loans. My parents have to take out the PLUS loan for me to go. If they don't, I'm fucked. Disregard the fact that last night 60 minutes did a story on how Sallie Mae is making billions by screwing college students.

For my four years of school I have 1/3 payed for. 24,000 total in scholarships. 3.5 fucking 9. And I have to change my major and consider the military. Fuck it. Fuck it all.